For those of you who think I've been too busy to write because of my crazy online-dating schedule, you are sort-of right. But mostly wrong.
I received an abundance of response to my post about online dating. Not many on here, but friends that read it sent me emails, texts, and a choice few actually picked up the phone to say “DO IT! DO IT NOW!”. I mean, it's the computer. What is the worst that can happen? I didn't have to actually follow through with anything. And it could provide plenty for future blogs at the very least, right? Right. So I did it.
I got plenty of response once I actually put up my list. As it was on this blog.
So, for the weak at heart, maybe scroll down. Past the next part. It is a short summary of some of the responses I got. It's gonna get raunchy up in here. The part in parentheses are my own comments to their comments. (I did not directly comment to any of these freakazoids. So the parentheses are my thoughts. No one's feelings or egos were smashed due to my sarcasm. For once.)
Please feel free to add your own comments to this absurdity below...
But...if can handle the heat, feel free to stay in the kitchen. (Not that I cook. I just have always wanted to use that phrase...)
“Hey. Like your face.” (Um, wow, did you read any of what I wrote?”)
"You look very f*ckable." (Wow, how do I look that way? If I do, it's an accident.) (p.s. he didn't put an asterik in there...)
“Hello.” (“...and I say good-bye.”)
“Hit me up. I kan make you sqirt.” (First, you can't spell. Second, not up to you.”)
"You look interesting." (That is not a compliment.)
“Like what you have to say. I have custody of my kids, is that a problem?” (UM...YES, it is a problem.)
“Wanna hook up?” (No. Not with you.)
"Where's a good place for you?" (Good place for...? Sleep? In my room. Food? Anywhere that has good mashed potatoes. Reading? Starbucks. For you to meet me? In hell.)
“How bout we meet up. I think I could love you.” (If you meant about, as in you can't spell or, when using slang, cannot use apostrophes correctly, then no. If you meant bout as in a bout of illness, then, well, still no.)
“Hey. Your profile is great. How about you get in your car and meet me up here?” (YOU ARE OVER 2 HOURS AWAY IN ALABAMA!)
“I could make you scream!” (Are you an axe murderer?)
“Do you like to travel?” (Not with strangers.)
"I'd like to go hiking in the woods with you." (Ok, because that isn't just creepy and asking me to walk to my death in my hiking shoes...)
“Cum over.” (Either this is a play on words or you really can't spell. Either way, not interested.)
OK, that's enough for now. I mean, I need to have some more blogs in the future, right?
There's some good news, though. An interesting tid-bit of information. The completely unexpected happened. I met someone! I actually got out from behind the computer screen and went to Starbucks to meet someone. And it has not only been one of the bravest moves of my entire life, but also the best decision yet.
His particular listing was a list. Everything on his list matched what was on my list. After about four days of constant emailing back and forth, we ventured into the world to see each other in person.
Let me stop here to tell you, I really had no intentions of meeting anyone. I had no hopes or dreams or fantasies about this actually happening. I honestly did this to prove to myself and everyone else that the world is full of scuzzes and I will, undoubtedly, end up alone or settling. (read: alone) So, imagine my surprise, I found a list that matched mine.
Starbucks. On my turf. Safe. A Starbucks I frequent, so they know my face. And it isn't unusual for me to randomly run into a friend from time to time there. I knew that meant I couldn't be alone. And I know there are three ways out of that parking lot, so if it went really bad, I could jump out of there and he wouldn't be able to find me.
Turns out, I didn't need a safe turf. I didn't need a friend to rescue me. I didn't need an exit plan (or three). We sat there and talked for FOUR HOURS. I'm not exaggerating. FOUR HOURS. And it felt like fifteen minutes. We have loads in common. We make each other laugh. We could finish each others' sentences almost immediately.
We had coffee on the Wednesday before Memorial Day, and made plans for a short day hike at Vickery Creek for that Monday. It didn't end up being short - we had a ten-hour date. I don't think I have ever had a date that lasted so long. It was an amazing day.
So, yes, we are dating. Yes, the list worked. Yes. Yes. Yes. To everything. As time passes, he learns more about my list and how he fits into it. And I learn more about his and how I fit into it. What a nice fit for both of us. Now both our profiles are down from the dating site, we are committed to each other.
Here's the weird thing. He lives and works less than twenty minutes from me. We have probably seen each other tons of times. I have a whole different perspective on fate now. Meeting people is timing, not circumstance. We are ready for each other - in ways we might not have been a year or two ago. Being super picky has led me to him, and him to me. By putting my OCD, my musical-spirituality, and teeth-obsessed self out into the open, I have found a man that can relate to me and understand everything without a word. A man with whom I can have a conversation with for ten hours or more. A man who enables me feel comfortable being me.
For the record, he flosses as much, if not more, than I do. Amazing how you get exactly what you ask for, when you're not too shy to put it out there.