two days...two days...

Ready…

Set…

GO!

Well, not yet. Not for two days. But I’m ready! Ready for what, you ask? The A-Z Blogfest, that’s what!

All through April, some very committed (or committable) bloggers have signed up to write a new blog every single day except Sundays. I am one of those committable committed ones.
I’m so excited. I have been writing a lot lately. Just not a lot for this blog. It will be amazing to get back to it. And that is exactly why I signed up. I signed up a while ago, maybe a month, maybe more. It seemed so far away, and I was certain I would have time to get back to the blogging. But, as it usually does, time found its way of sneaking up on me. And here we are, two days out, and I haven’t written anything for this blog!

So, it’s time to get a move on. I started the alphabet list of potential topics. I know what I’m starting with. In two days, I’ll be on the letter A, and then B…

In other news, I’ve been the recipient of a reward. I feel, as always, very honored and quite humbled that someone likes my work. Deidra over at A Storybook World has given me the Creative Blog Award.   Go on over and check out her blog, it is beautiful.

I’ll see all of you in two days for the letter A!

Commitments Changing My Shape...

...well, as the title would imply, I have committed myself as of late. No not to the mental institution (those some would argue that would be helpful...), but to others.  And in doing so, have found that I have re-committed to myself.

I would not take any of my decisions back. It has been a roller coaster of a few months, and I have learned many things about myself and those around me.

I have learned that I have the ability to be a better friend than I ever imagined - selfless and loyal, choosing what is right over what will make me feel good.

I have recently had the opportunity to make a decision not based on self. And I did so without hesitation or thought.

I have learned that I do not need to be in the center, I can be on the outside, or standing next to or with someone, and be perfectly perfect.

I have learned that teamwork is better. I have learned that when others are in need of support, my motives are pure.

I have learned that after two days in the snow, I get cabin fever. But after standing outside waiting for the car to defrost and seeing three cars slide backwards down the hill in less than five minutes, I am fine with the couch again.

I have learned that I can stand up for myself, even when my selfish and physical needs will not be met by doing so. It's the mental and spiritual stuff that has become important.

I have learned that I can take time with myself. And that I value that time.

I have learned that letting people in is not always a bad thing. In fact, it's nice to find understanding.

One commitment I let up on is to write. So here we are. I'm writing. I have joined up on the A to Z BLOGFEST to continue and encourage continuation. April is quite a ways off and I have made a shape-shifting commitment. So I shall write until then, and continue then.  That gives me at least of commitment to write, continually, through the end of April.  And it feels good.

Here goes nothin'...

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Unconditional Puppy Love

Yes, I KNOW it's been a while. Nearly three months, in fact. And I apologize. Life got away from me and so did my writing.

I got a journal for Christmas. And I've been using it. Does that count? No, it really doesn't. Journalling is a whole different kind of writing.
I've been up to a lot and up to nothing. Life just happened, and things got lost. One thing that was lost was this blog. I'm not going to recap, not right now.  Today I need to write.
Just know that as in all times - times of writing and times of not writing - life has had good moments and bad ones since we last read together.

Why am I back? What has pulled me into the blogosphere? Sadness. Deep, painful sadness that I cannot express otherwise. I cannot journal about this. Yet. It's even hard to cry.

As some of you know, I am a dog person. I even have a little motto "puppies before people". I would rather hang out with your dog than with you. If you call me and tell me you need something dog-related, I will abandon my life.
I have always been a dog person. It's in me. It's my nature. There is something in me that attracts them to me and me to them. A friend calls me the 'dog whisperer'. They just come up to me and lay down and say, "Pet me, because I know you want to".  And I do.  Because, in fact, I want to.
As a housesitter, I have the good fortune to 'own' many dogs. I take care of them when their owners are out of town or having super busy days. Within minutes, these dogs become mine. I consider them to be my pets, my children, mine.
As a housesitter, I have also lost dogs. No, not lost as in they ran away. That would make me a very bad housesitter. Lost as in end of life. And it crushes me beyond belief.

Today is one of those days. One of my dogs is being put to sleep. He has had cancer for some time now, and it's time. He is no longer comfortable. He is losing weight by the day. The tumors are spreading faster and faster.

Max knows all my secrets and my joys and my pain from the last four years. He has been there for many relationships starting and ending. He lays next to me when I'm sick or sad. He has seen me bat-shit crazy. He has been there for some of the happiest times of my life. We have watched television and movies together, and meditated in the silence of music. We have been together through countless books, and he has laid quietly and encouragingly beside me while I stressed over homework.
I went to see him last night. I just sat on the living room floor and rubbed his back, his belly, his head. I didn't cry. I wanted to be with him. We talked a little. But mainly we just held on.

I am more than sad about this. I am more than crushed at the realization that I will never pet him or lay next to him or feed him again. There's a part of me that cannot believe that I will never call his name again.

But there's something bigger.

I am very grateful he was in my life. He was a kind-hearted soul who just wanted to be next to me when I was around. He always seemed to want to know that I approved - when he came in from going to the bathroom, he would look at me before going in the house; when it was time for bed, he would look at me to make sure I wanted him next to me; when he was done eating, he would come up to me so I knew he had finished. He laid at my feet in the living room as I sat or laid on the couch. He would lift his head every so often so I could pet him and take a break from what I was doing.   His eyes seemed to always tell me of the love he had in his heart for his surrroundings. 

These are traits humans can only dream of having.

I will miss him. So very much. But I am happy there is no more pain. I am happy to have had the opportunity to consider him mine. I am so very happy to love and be loved. I love you, Max.

52 years ago today, the music died.  I think it is very symbolic that my Max goes out on such a day as this...

An Honest Award

HonestScrap…I’ve been wondering when this would be necessary.

Crap. HonestCrap…I’ve been debating on what to write about.

***BAD WORD THAT STARTS WITH F. HonestFlip…My mind turns at every corner, yet I cannot find words to fit in the swerve.

Foot Taps. HonestTap…I do not like tap water.

Scrap.  HonestScrapAward.  Write.  Now.

Once again, my dear friend and Rebel, Olivia has given me an undeserved award. The Honest Scrap Award. She has given this, in spite of the fact that lately, I cannot figure out how to be honest in words.

Maybe this is the gear-up to get back. Ten honest things about me, as per usual upon the award acceptance speech. But first, I must say thank you to my Rebel, you may have helped me get back into my life, or rather, get my life back.

1. (For my Olivia.) I am 4’10”. I don’t know why, but I haven’t grown in height at all since 5th grade. In reality, I haven’t grown much anywhere since 5th grade.

2. I am currently at a crossroads. I think I’ll choose the road less travelled. No matter what you or anyone else thinks. No, I do not know how this will affect me in the long run, but it’s a risk I’m going to have to live with, not you.

3. I needed the aid of the internet to figure out if it was effect or affect in the last one. In spite of my grammar-superstardom, I still get those two confused. It frustrates me beyond words.

4. I have recently found that I do not believe in the things I have always wanted to believe in. Others believe, but I do not. I guess somethings are not meant for everyone.  And wants cannot always be achieved.

5. Someone asked me to start journaling recently. In spite of my love of writing, it is harder than anything I have had to do in recent memory. It has been helpful, and also has led me to abandon myself fully to new ideas about myself and others.

6. I recently starting Yelping.  No, not dog noises, but the website.  I guess I think since I can (sort-of) cook now, that gives the right to judge others.

7. Learning to cook is the best thing I have done for myself in a long time.

8. My favorite movies are Back to the Future (all three), The Hours, and Annie Hall. I watch the last two every time I’m sick or sad and they make me feel better. I have a tendency to say “la-di-da” like Annie Hall when I can’t think of anything to say.

9. My favorite color has always been green. But I lean towards blue for most purchases.

10. This list took over an hour to write. It is hard to get past my own insecurities.

I’d like to leave you with a song. My current obsession of a song. I can’t stop listening to this one. It’s pretty new, shocking, I know. But there’s something in the beat and the lyrics that drive me to a familiar place.

Book Release!

Hey everyone!  I am excited to announce that today, my friend and fellow blogger, Alex J. Cavanaugh, is a published author!  This is very exciting, not just for him, but for all of us writers and hopefuls out there!  Check out his blog, and look into the book.

Here's the details:

CassaStar by Alex J. Cavanaugh
October 19, 2010 Science fiction/adventure/space opera
ISBN 9780981621067 Dancing Lemur Press LLC

To pilot the fleet’s finest ship…

Few options remain for Byron. A talented but stubborn young man with a troubled past and rebellious attitude, his cockpit skills are his only hope. Slated to train as a Cosbolt fighter pilot, Byron is determined to prove his worth and begin a new life as he sets off for the moon base of Guaard.

Much to Byron’s chagrin, the toughest instructor in the fleet takes notice of the young pilot. Haunted by a past tragedy, Bassa eventually sees through Byron's tough exterior and insolence. When a secret talent is revealed during training, Bassa feels compelled to help Byron achieve his full potential.

As war brews on the edge of space, time is running short. Byron requires a navigator of exceptional quality to survive, and Bassa must make a decision that could well decide the fate of both men. Will their skills be enough as they embark on a mission that may stretch their abilities to the limit?

“…calls to mind the youthful focus of Robert Heinlein’s early military sf, as well as the excitement of space opera epitomized by the many Star Wars novels. Fast-paced military action and a youthful protagonist make this a good choice for both young adult and adult fans of space wars.” - Library Journal

Watch the Trailer!!!

Links to purchase:

AMAZON

BARNES & NOBLE

BAM

POWELLS 

ALSO AVAILABLE AS AN EBOOK – KINDLE, IBOOKSTORE, NOOK, AND OTHERS


Alex's bio:

Alex J. Cavanaugh has a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree and works in web design and graphics. He’s experienced in technical editing and worked with an adult literacy program for several years. A fan of all things science fiction, his interests range from books and movies to music and games. Currently he lives in the Carolinas with his wife.

http://alexjcavanaugh.blogspot.com/