C is for cookie, and that's good enough for me...

...oh, how I wish that were true.  I have, however, had three cookies today.  Thanks, Melissa's mom.

Today, I've decided to focus on something I know very little and very much about.

COMMITTMENT.

I know very little because I hate it.  Relationships, ug, require committment.  I have been in long-term relationships.  I have even lived with people.  BUT, I always leave in the end.  Before it gets serious.  Well, before it gets legal, anyway. 

The thought of spending forever and ever with someone creeps me the hell out.  I don't know why.  Truth be told, it kind of makes my skin crawl a little.  And I'm not even Mormon.  I don't believe I'll get stuck wtih my family in the celestial kingdom (read: afterlife), but, I do think as long as we both shall live seems like a super long time.

It's not that I don't like being in relationships.  I do.  I like having someone next to me.  I like having a friend who knows all of me, who accepts and loves me the way I am.  I like having someone think I'm pretty.  And I like thinking and feeling all those things about someone else.

I watch my friends date, get married, have babies, get divorced.  Maybe that's some of it.  Divorce is P-A-I-N-F-U-L painful.  For those involved and those around them. 

I am independent.  I like my space.  I like to go home to my own bed with my own dog and lay diagonal.  I like not wondering which toothbrush is mine and if someone else didn't care to figure it out.  I don't want to ever have to think about that.  It freaks me out.  Seriously.  Right now I am freaking out just thinking about it. 

Saying all this, I don't really sound like much of a catch, do I?  I think I am.  I can compromise.  I can be in relationships.  I can give as well as take.  Maybe I just haven't found the one yet.  I remain hopeful.  I doubt it will ever be anything legal, but maybe it will be something that doesn't end because I want to go home and do laundry.

Now, having said all that, I am very committed.  To many things.  To many people.  I have  friendships and responsibilities that I take care of on a regular basis that fill my time.  I am learning new ones.  I am changing my schedule.  Sometimes, I am so committed that I forget to make time for me.  But that is something I work on routinely.  And I am currently working on this. 

I have committed to this blog for the month of April.  That is exciting.

I am committed to personal time.

I am committed to taking care of myself.

I am committed to being a good friend.

I am committed to take good care of my dog.

I am committed to my job.

I am committed to my family.

I am committed to being helpful.

I am committed to being polite.


One day, maybe they will just committ me.