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Friday, March 19, 2010

"You're a shed!" "No, you're a shed!" "I'm telling!"

I swear.

A lot.

I have a really bad mouth. I use swear words in practically every sentence I speak. I think in swear words. I believe that I like them. I like the emphasis they bring to a statement. I like that the word itself shows my listener that I am serious. F-ing serious. I also like the many ways I can use the swear word. It can substitute for so many other words, complete phrases and even sentences. Swear words are extreme shorthand for my vocabulary.

It isn't that I don't know how to speak properly. It isn't even that I do not have a vocabulary big enough to find the word I'm trying to say. It isn't that I don't know how to audibly emphasize a word. It's just that swear words sound so much better. Bigger, better, louder...
I have always liked swearing. When I was little, my best friend and I would call each other “shed”, meaning shit-head. (Oh, how creative we were!) I would test the waters frequently around my parents, just to see what I could get away with. They said these words, too. So, why shouldn't I? Apparently, because I was too young. While my mouth was never washed out with soap, it was certainly corrected and the direct link between myself and punishment many, many times. I soon learned that away from my parents was the best place to use my language. As often as I could, I spoke the big-shot-ese, struttin' around thinking how cool I was.

But then, it wasn't because I was cool. Somehow, at some point, swearing just became part of my lingo. It isn't even swearing anymore. It is just speaking. There isn't much emphasis difference between F-U-C-K and F-O-O-D (my two favorite four-letter words, by the way!) anymore.

Why now? Why must I bring this up now?

Well, since I am writing again (HALLELUIAH!), I am noticing that, as always, I write exactly as I speak, and I speak exactly as I think. So, yes there has been some severe editing involved in prior posts (and a few in this one). I am not interested in my potty-mouth being out there for the masses. I want to write like a real writer, like someone who has actually taken classes in this, like I have. And yes, I want you to have a good opinion of me. Oh, and I do not want to have to put a parental advisory on my blog.

So, I have started small. In text messages, I have started writing “What the crap!” or “What the F!”. When commenting on my friends' facebook posts and in emails, I put the letter F instead of the full four-letter word, and no, I'm not talking about F-O-O-D this time. “Crap” has even made its way out of my mouth a few times.

Sometimes slowly. I will regard all these things as progress. Maybe one day F will not be my favorite letter, and it will only be the first letter in ONE of my favorite words. Until then, if I happen to write that I think someone is a SHED, you now know the secret language.

Oh, and if I do swear in here, it's because I want to.


  1. What the F? I think you can say any D thing that comes outta your F'n mouth. People can love it or go to's your F'n blog They're all AHs.....LOL Nice code!


  2. Where in the H did you find that f'ing POTTY MOUTH picture??? Too funny! You're the bomb. Oh, wait, do people still say that? Well, you ya, Ms. Potty Mouth. And I'm proud of you. Crap is a good word. Friggydiggy is a good word. Freakin is a good word. I always intensely disliked sugar. Not sure why. Anyway, we need to meet up again. I've been soooo depressed lately. Gotta snap out of it!

  3. I think 'Frak' is kinda' sneaky....a word that has snuck into our language from Battlestar Gallactica. Everyone knows Frak (or is is Frac) means F*ck but is said with impunity.

    Yeah I know. 'Snuck' is not a word.

    Hey, I enjoy you whatever words you use.

  4. I remember hearing the word "shit" for the first time, out on the street, when I was in sixth grade. I was amazed it had gotten out in the world from the only other place I ever saw it, on the bathroom wall. Uh, no one swore in my house.

    Nope, I had to learn the ENTIRE vocabulary on my own.

  5. Olivia - I have never liked "sugar" myself, until this season on Big Love when Barb said "The sugar is going to hit the fan!" I have such a great visual of that actually happening! It makes me giggle.