Life Lessons: Kitchen Edition

I can’t cook. This was what I believed for nearly 34 years of my life. I would surely poison someone if I tried to put anything in the kitchen together and it was ingested.


When I was about 7 or 8, my best friend and I decided to make nachos. More specifically, we wanted nacho cheese sauce. We were at her house after school, unattended, and were hungry. Simple enough, right?

Wrong.

Apparently, you can’t just put cheese in a bowl and put it in the microwave. Because it stinks up the house and is hard to clean out of the bowl. I still remember that smell. It was winter in Nebraska, and we had to open all the windows in her house and spray air freshener all over the place. And it still stunk to hell and back.

But, as you know, I’ve been cooking lately. I figured with this move, that I needed to learn, or at least try. I’ve been pretty successful. So far, the only really bad thing I have made is Asparagus Soup. And I think that’s just because asparagus is better as a solid.

Yesterday, I tried out a scone recipe. I have heard over and over that scones are so hard to make. That this is probably something I should wait until later to try. But that just made me want to do it more. Besides, I like scones.

I couldn’t figure out what kind of scones to make. I like so many fruits, so many spices. I also hate clichés. I also know that I have not been cooking long enough to just know what goes with what just by intuition or experience.

I thought about apple. What goes with apple? Cinnamon. But that is too cliché. I consulted some friends, and decided on ginger. Yum…ginger. I then decided on pear ginger. But then I couldn’t make up my mind. Apple or pear? Pear or apple? I left it to the gods of the supermarket to give me my decision.

I went to the supermarket to get my supplies. I opted for whole wheat flour, a healthier option I was not aware of. I also decided to make some glaze from a recipe my grandma sent me to put on top of it.

Looking at them before they went in the oven, I was convinced I did something wrong. The scones at Starbucks are always so big and puffy. Mine were small and flat. I decided I must have done something wrong. So, maybe I can’t make soup or scones.

Fifteen minutes later, when the oven timer went off, I opened the oven door with some hesitation. To my surprise, they were big and puffy! They looked like scones! (except rectangles, not triangles)

I believe there are lessons here. First, and most obvious, like Doc Brown always says, “If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.”

But also, following directions and being patient yields results. I do not read user manuals. I do not look it up. I never have. I like to figure things out on my own. I barrel through life on my own accord.

When learning to cook, I do not have that luxury. I must think. I must follow the suggestions of those who have done it before me. I must read the user manual. I must look it up. For example, “zest” is an adjective to me. It is now both a verb and a noun. I had to ask.

The fruits of following directions and being patient are good. They are yummy. I mean, what could be better than eating your result!

Blissful Jam

There is currently a blogfeast blogfest going on! And the timing couldn't be better, as I am currently experimenting with cooking for the first time. Around 500 words or less, about food in some way. Could life get any better than this!  Also, as I have been struggling to write about my kitchen-time, this could work!

My first dinner! Caribbean Chicken



I recently moved into a new place. And for some reason, got all excited about cooking.  At 33, I have never really cooked before, or had any interest. I made my first meal, a Caribbean style chicken thing I found online with spinach and fruit. It turned out pretty good, and I was greatly surprised, and encouraged to move forward.  My goal is to learn to cook food that is good, but also nutritious.

This has been an interesting journey.  As you know (since I published Gym Germs), I am a bit of a germaphobe.  And raw meat is OHMYGAWDDISGUSTING.  But I have a box of sugical gloves.  And yes, I wear them when touching raw meat.  Because raw meat is OHMYGAWDDISGUSTING.

Notice the surgical gloves?

However, I could not decide what to make next. I was the proverbial stand-still. Then came the dilemma of my life. (Not my WHOLE LIFE, just of that moment. But sometimes, those moments feel like lifetimes!)

My grandma makes homemade jelly. It is delicious! I crave, I mean crave her blueberry-rhubarb jelly so much that just typing those words right now made my mouth water. There is nothing better in my world that this jelly with peanut butter, butter, or just bread. Even just on a spoon, really. It's that good.

Recently, my parents' stockpiles dried up. They ran out of said jelly. I was devastated.

Off to the grocery I went. (How did I know I wouldn't find it there?)  I have never bought a jar of jelly in my life, I didn't even know where the jelly was! I had to wander up and down isles. Once I found it, I stood in front of the mass jelly jar collection for at least ten minutes. (I probably looked a bit foolish.) I didn't know what to do, which one to pick, what the brand differences were. I examined prices, to see if maybe there would be an obvious difference, surely leading me to the best jelly available. No help.

I left with no jelly.

I went to the health food store, hoping for something, anything, that would resemble homemade.

No dice.

Nothing.

Jelly!  From MY kitchen!

 On a whim, as I do many things, I decided I would make jelly. With one successful meal under my belt, why couldn't I make jelly? I bought rhubarb and blueberries at the farmer's market and got a big stew pot, sugar, sure-jell, and jelly jars.

Suddenly, I have the vision of enterprise in my head. I will sell my amazing jelly! I will market it and be as famous as Smuckers (the brand I saw the most of in the store)! I shall call it Blissful Jam and it will be an instant hit. I designed a logo and a sticker on the computer and printed them out on stickers to put on the jars of my amazing jelly.  Meanwhile, I hadn't even started making it yet...)

My first PBJ!


I made it. It was good.

Little runny, but good.

Maybe not instant-hit-good, but certainly good.

Jessica's son getting the mailed jelly.

So I put the labels on. (Cuteness!) I posted pictures of my jelly on Facebook. I gave jars to my parents, sister, roommate's parents, friends, anyone who would take one. I sent two jars to my grandma and two more to a friend in Tennessee.

The feedback I got was that my jelly is good. My grandma even used the words, "GREAT JOB!"  I am encouraged by this. I continue to cook meals. I have been collecting recipes from friends and have several adventures to take on. If you have a recipe that you particularly like, please send it over.

Also, I have made a roast, some homemade soup, a chicken rub, and a chicken-spinach thing.  Also, I am learning to make small things, like bbq chicken.  Cooking nutritionally is fun and a learning process.

My next adventure is scones.  :)